Game On

There must be a game going on in the Philadelphia area that I don't know about. It must go like this.

All participants must wait until they hear the weather man say, “Chance of significant accumulation of snow tomorrow.”

At that precise moment, all participants are to rush to the store like a rowdy crowd in a Gladiator movie and buy every gallon of milk and all the eggs they can carry.

If you choose to participate, you better have your game face on because this game is not for the weak od heart. On this particular day you won't see anyone pushing their carts slowly, strolling about casually comparing prices. Oh no. It's game on.

Coupons are meaningless.

Most veteran moms will leave the toddlers home on this day. They know from experience. It's just safer that way.

My wife had the unfortunate timing of having to stop by the store the other day for some dog food, just as the opening minutes of the game began.

Bad move.

She didn't realize it was game day. She was walking toward the checkout and had a bead on register #2, when out of nowhere an 80 year old man with a cart full of dairy expertly cut her off and zoomed in front like Jeff Gordon in a NASCAR race.

Thankfully, there were no injuries.

There used to be a TV show where the contestants had a shopping cart and 3 minutes to sprint wildly around the store, frantically filling up their cart. This took place in a controlled environment with rules.

There are no rules in our game, it's all business.

There was one report of a group of 40 something year old females dressed in sweatpants and wearing yellow head bands outside the store, shopping carts at the ready, stretching and loosening up, before entering the madness that was inside. They've been here before.

What I never could understand is this. What's with the eggs and milk? Where does it say that if you believe your going to be snowed in for a week, you must go on a high cholesterol diet?

If I thought I was going to be snowed in, I'd go to the store and get the makings for crab cakes and a bunch of appetizers making sure to pick up a couple bottles of wine. I can eat eggs and milk anytime.

Today as 2 feet of snow has blanketed our area, I'm picturing people standing at their kitchen windows staring at the snow while putting raw eggs and milk in a blender and drinking it like Sylvestor Stallone in the first “Rocky” movie.

My wife received 2 feet of snow, starting last night and not ending until this afternoon. She shoveled the driveway today without needing any eggs or milk.

Amazingly, she can get in her car and go where ever she needs to go.