This and that

Our air traffic controllers report that mistakes they make are up 80%.
When asked to explain this a spokesman said,
"The accidents are not up, the reporting is better."
hmmmm.

My doctor said it looks like I gained 5 lbs since my last visit.
I don't think so. I told him his scale is just better.
*
I was listening to 2 fellow crewman chatting in the wheelhouse recently.
I overheard one guy say, "I was sailing with this one guy Matt, we called him Seabiscuit, and he used to......"
"Excuse me," I said, interrupting, "why do you call him Seabiscuit?"
Excited and animated he exclaimed loudly,
"HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THAT MOVIE? THIS GUYS HEAD WAS THIS BIG,"
he said while spreading his arms wide.
*
I like to think I can chat it up with anyone, if the spirit moves me.
But I was recently proved wrong.
While waiting for a early morning shuttle from my hotel in Houston to the airport, I found myself exchanging morning pleasantries with a grey haired gentleman.
When he asked what I was doing here, I told him I had just got off a boat the night before and was heading home for my 3 weeks off.
That spurred the usual questions from him,
"A boat? What kind of boat?
"How long have you done that?"
"That's interesting, how does your family handle that?"
*
Then it was my turn to keep the conversation going.
When I asked why he was standing on this particular curb at 5:30 in the morning, he said he was in town for a meeting.
"What kind of meeting? What business are you in," I asked feeling good about the rhythm
of my questions and my pretend interest.
He answered,
"I design and build nuclear power plants.".....................................................................
.......................................................................................................................................
Nothing! I had NOTHING!