Friday, November 8, 2013

Say It Ain't So


I measure lots of stuff. For instance, how much coffee to add to make a good pot of coffee. Very important.

I measured the length of my family room floor before I sanded it.



 Umm, well before my wife sanded it. Let me add this....NIGHTMARE!!
I measure time on the boat by counting how many Wednesdays I have left before I get off. You see, we join and get off the boat on Wednesdays, every three weeks.

I measure how long it's been between haircuts by looking in the mirror to see how close I am to that "80's big hair look." When I begin to look like Rod Stewart I high tail it to the nearest barber poll.  

Recently my daughter Bryn stopped by and she noticed our basement door, the one that has lines drawn, measurements taken and dates recorded signifying the growth of this Finucane family over a 20 year period. Anyway, Bryn backed up to the door under her name and we took a measurement. I'm here to report married life has not stunted her growth.

Next, my wife backed up to the door, under her name, and Bryn said, "Mom, you're shrinking!" I took a closer look and determined that an erroneous measurement must have been recorded that last time. To prove this, I backed up to the door, under my name, and guess what? 
I'M FREEKIN SHRINKING!!

What is this? I never thought about this little possibility before. Is this possible?  Ok, I get it, getting older brings with it some unwanted baggage.
The grey hair thing doesn't bother me, I started looking like Steve Martin when I was in my 40's. My knees are killing me and I can't "drive to the hoop" in our driveway basketball games like I used to, understandable. Not a problem. But SHRINKING? I have a vision in my head that I can't get out of the Wicket Witch of the West shrinking in the Wizard of Oz. Oh, ok, she was Melllttting...... Same thing.

I'll tell you one thing. This being closer to 60 than 55 is starting to p*^s me off. I don't remember my parents shrinking. I better get rid of my SUV before I am too small to climb up behind the steering wheel.

Soon I won't have to kneel down to get at eye level with my dog....I'll already be there.




Will I be forbidden in the near future to get on roller coaster rides because of their height restrictions?
Am I heading for the "Boys" section at Wallmart to buy my pants?
Will I automatically be reinstated in my old Boy Scout troop?

SHRINKING?


8 comments:

Formerly known as Frau said...

I always joke I was taller in the 80's when I had bits (bangs in the sky) big hair....It sucks! Have a great weekend!

Marilyn said...

I am laughing!
Shrinking is part of the deal.
We may not like it, but that is
what it is.
Everytime I go to the doctor I tell
myself just stand up a little taller and they won't tell me I am shorter. It doesn't seem to work. Maybe taller hair would help here.

Karen said...

....and.. it seems that ears and noses GROW as they age..you think I'm joking?... take a look for yourself at the next old person you see. Their ears and nose are too big for their face!!!...

The shrinking doesn't seem so bad, now, does it.

Busy Bee Suz said...

So, if you let your hair fall into the Rod Stewart 'do again....you'll be taller! :) My Mom has shrunk about 4 inches and she wasn't tall to begin with. I see my future in her.
At least you AND your wife are shrinking together. LOL

beth said...

karen is right...we shrink and literally our ears/ear lobes and noses NEVER stop growing....

i think for some reason we're meant to look almost freakish by the time we reach 60....ummm....or well like 70....LOL....with those kinds of things happening to us right before our eyes.

Donna said...

Just the laugh I needed. I used to deny I was, saying it was just my sons getting taller. I can handle being more vertically challegned - but there's NO WAY to hide my growing, sagging earlobes. WTH? Yuck!

dcpeg said...

I can just imagine looking into those soulful doggie-eyes and giving him a good scritching!

Aha -- the horrible truth is starting to show. I've shrunk one and a half inches already! I used to be considered tall at 5'7 1/2" but all the kids are much taller than I ever as! Cruel. . .

Jerral Miles said...

You ain't seen nothin' yet... but there are some advantages, I'm told. Still looking for those.
Naaaaahhhh. Just kidding. Getting older and shrinking little by little by little is a hell of a lot better than the alternative.