I measure lots of stuff. For instance, how much coffee to add to make a good pot of coffee. Very important.
I measured the length of my family room floor before I sanded it.
I measure time on the boat by counting how many Wednesdays I have left before I get off. You see, we join and get off the boat on Wednesdays, every three weeks.
I measure how long it's been between haircuts by looking in the mirror to see how close I am to that "80's big hair look." When I begin to look like Rod Stewart I high tail it to the nearest barber poll.
Recently my daughter Bryn stopped by and she noticed our basement door, the one that has lines drawn, measurements taken and dates recorded signifying the growth of this Finucane family over a 20 year period. Anyway, Bryn backed up to the door under her name and we took a measurement. I'm here to report married life has not stunted her growth.
Next, my wife backed up to the door, under her name, and Bryn said, "Mom, you're shrinking!" I took a closer look and determined that an erroneous measurement must have been recorded that last time. To prove this, I backed up to the door, under my name, and guess what?
I'M FREEKIN SHRINKING!!
What is this? I never thought about this little possibility before. Is this possible? Ok, I get it, getting older brings with it some unwanted baggage.
The grey hair thing doesn't bother me, I started looking like Steve Martin when I was in my 40's. My knees are killing me and I can't "drive to the hoop" in our driveway basketball games like I used to, understandable. Not a problem. But SHRINKING? I have a vision in my head that I can't get out of the Wicket Witch of the West shrinking in the Wizard of Oz. Oh, ok, she was Melllttting...... Same thing.
I'll tell you one thing. This being closer to 60 than 55 is starting to p*^s me off. I don't remember my parents shrinking. I better get rid of my SUV before I am too small to climb up behind the steering wheel.
Soon I won't have to kneel down to get at eye level with my dog....I'll already be there.
Will I be forbidden in the near future to get on roller coaster rides because of their height restrictions?
Am I heading for the "Boys" section at Wallmart to buy my pants?
Will I automatically be reinstated in my old Boy Scout troop?