Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The Storm before the Calm

One great benefit of my job is
when I am home and I hear the alarm clock
sound off with that most annoying bone rattling wake up call,
I don't have to get up.
My wife does.

She begins her day
at full throttle
as soon as she gets out of bed
taking care of about 10 different things
while eating her breakfast on the run
and chugging down her green tea
before she's out the door and on her way to train her morning clients.

They say opposites attract?

Believe it.

 I awaken like a bear
after hibernating for months
and begin my day at the speed of 
"dead slow ahead"
being conscious of the fact that if I get in the path
of one Mary Ellen at the wrong moment
I could end up with at best serious bruising
or at worse, head trauma. 

I know the safe areas to be in
during this hectic time in the morning.
Standing in the corner of the dining room is a good safe place,
there should be no reason at all for my wife 
to have to go to the corner of the dining room.

The kitchen....
no way. The kitchen is not safe!
Too many fast moving wives
in an area with too many sharp knives.

At 0745 hours sharp she quickly exits the kitchen area
and heads to the bedroom to brush her teeth.
I know at that time I have a window of approximately 3 and a half minutes
to start making my coffee.
If she returns earlier I just freeze where ever it is I am standing.

So, before I ever get a sip of my first coffee of the day,
my wife has eaten, checked her mail, fed the cats, petted the dog,
put a load in the washer and made the bed.

At 8 am she is out the door.
As I stand by the coffee pot anticipating the arrival
of my first cup of coffee,
and waiting for the dust to settle,
I look at the bird feeder out the kitchen window
and see it is empty.
I guess I'll put that on my "to do list" today.
Oh, the pressure!!

Because of the extremely cold weather
that has hit my area
I have been doing a lot of bird watching
from my 69 degree family room.

A few days ago we came up with the great idea
of just putting the feed on the deck
so we can see the birds better.

What an ingenious idea.
Why didn't I think of this before? 

"Honey, what's all that white stuff on the deck?"



Anonymous said...

HA! I make the coffee and then get the heck out of the kitchen so as not to ANNOY HIM. Sort of a role reversal around here.

Jerral Miles said...

A suggestion: Your writing and your photographs are exceptional. While you are letting your back heal, why not do a novel... or at least a few short stories. You can do it.

Wayne (Woody), whatever said...

"Oh, the pressure!!" - great story.

beth said...

so wait, at the moment i'm in the you don't like me much category….LOL

and what you wrote here cracked me up and could have been written by my hubby :)

Marilyn said...

Oh yes, white stuff comes with the birds. Love that you know your place in your home.

Karen said...


Have you gotten yourself a Keurig yet? fastest most awesome brewed cup o'joe you'll ever make. You'll beat the ninja wife to the punchline instead of becoming a marble statue as she re-enters the kitchen realm while you're waiting for that brew.

dcpeg said...

You've been making really gorgeous bird photos! and who knew food could look so scrumptious?!

Not surprised that your wife goes at full tilt every morning. She's a WOMAN - it's what we do!

Hope your back is feeling better.

Zorana said...

You have such a wonderful talent for describing everyday moments! I am always charmed by them (and i always really like yor wife). Spicing it up with beautiful photography makes it even better. Bird with dots on her feathers? Extra points for that :-)