Wednesday, March 12, 2014

It's a Jungle Out There.

I thought we were going through
more bird feed than usual.

I know the unusually cold winter
has something to do with it,

but so does this.

On another note.

Every 3 weeks I'm getting on a plane.
I'm either flying to work,
or flying home from work.

Over the past year or so I have noticed a disturbing trend.
Let me explain.

For those of you who fly a lot,
I'm sure you are familiar with "Zones".

Every boarding pass has a "Zone number" printed on it in big bold letters.
The object of said "Zones" is to prevent a mad rush to the plane
when the nice lady behind the counter speaking into a microphone
that seldom works says,
"We will now begin loading zone 1."

Zone 1 is the much sought after zone,
that is unless you can afford a "first class" ticket,
or your company is generous enough to buy you a first class ticket,
neither of which is true in my case.

Zone 1 is good because you are one of the first people on the plane,
it's no problem to find space for your carry on luggage
and you get a minute or so to ready yourself for the onslaught of human flesh
that is sure to come.

If you work the system,
you can be certain of getting zone 1.
If you're flying Delta,
sign up for a Delta credit card.
You don't even have to use it, just get one.

If you purchase any kind of upgrade,
say, to a more comfortable coach seat,
your in zone 1.

If you accumulate a lot of frequent flyer miles,
you'll be in that primo zone.

Over the years, I have worked the system.
I do and sign up for anything that will make my flying experience
a more pleasant one.

The loading of the plane used to go like this.
                                          1- people who have small children or need help.
2- First class seating.  
3- Zone number 1.
Followed by zone 2, 3 and 4.

I used to get on a plane, walk by the first class cabin
and basically have the whole plane to myself to leisurely put my bags away
get my book out, etc
before the mob came in.

Now, I swear, here's what takes place.
Today I scored a zone 1 ticket.
I thought I was in high cotton,
that is until they started loading the plane.

I eagerly awaited the announcements to begin.

"We would like to welcome anyone with small children or anyone
who needs assistance to check in through the sky priority isle."
( a smattering of people headed on the plane.)

"We would now like to welcome our first class passengers aboard."
( About 20 people head for the gate, no problem. )

"We would now like to welcome aboard our admiralty members."
( Who the hell is that?)
A fairly large group stands up.

"We would now like to welcome our Gold and Madalia members to come aboard."
( Are you kidding me?)
A bus load of people are now walking past me.

I'm standing there holding my prized zone 1 ticket.

I was expecting at any minute to hear,
"Anyone who drives a Prius, you are welcomed to board."

"Anyone have eggs for breakfast, come on in here before zone 1."

"Anyone born in the month of May...come on down!"

"Who voted for Obama....get on down here, you're welcomed to board before those zone 1 losers."

"We would like to welcome zone 1 to board."
The gate area is now almost empty.

I pick up my bag, hand over my boarding pass,
walk on the plane and I am immediately log jammed in the isle
looking at the mosh pit that is now passengers fighting for over head space.

This damn plane is 3/4 full already.
I'm in ZONE ONE damn it!!
This should not be happening.

what I learned today was that there are a lot of people
working the system
much better than I.

This too, shall change.


Jerral Miles said...

You, my friend, are a game changer... and the other team is Delta. I'm betting on you. I doubt you can get away with those extra dark glasses and a cane, but you'll come with something. Can't wait to hear how you do it.

Anonymous said...

Nothing good lasts forever, including being a member of Zone One, obviously. LOL

Wayne (Woody), whatever said...

Each year, I dread airline travel a little more ...

Formerly known as Frau said...

I had to laugh my husband travels a lot for work and I hear the same thing....time to sign up for more perks! Have a wonderful weekend!

Denise at Autumn Sky said...

I used to travel weekly for business and I always had club memberships, upgrades, etc. It wasn't so bad. Now that I no longer travel, and have no desire to travel, I'm sure it's a nightmare for people like me. I would be in Zone Sub-One and not liking it one bit.

Busy Bee Suz said...

I apologize, but this made me laugh. NOT you being smashed a mob scene, but how you worded it. Zone one is not so special anymore, but you surely are!!