Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Christmas Gift

My wife and kids have been asking me what I want for Christmas and I can’t come up with a good idea. Like they say, I have everything.Seriously, I’m 54 years old. If I wanted something, I’d just go get it. I don’t wear ties, so that’s not a good idea.

I have more tools than an auto repair shop, so don’t go there. Golf balls used to be a good standby gift, but I haven’t golfed in 2 years.

Pearl Jam and Floggy Molly aren’t touring the local area, so concert tickets are out.

Recently I was reading Ted Kennedy’s book, “True Compass”, and I came up with a great idea. He was reminiscing in his book about a particular meeting he was at. He mentioned that it was so long ago he didn’t remember all the details, but he said offhandedly that he is quite sure he had his Aide come with him.

Vwa-la! That’s a great idea. I’ve decided, I want an Aide for Christmas. Don’t you think they would come in handy?

I could take the Aide to the grocery store, walk down the isle perusing all the choices, and then point, “There, I want one of those.” The Aide would pluck it off the shelf for me. Of course, it goes without saying, the Aide would be doing the bagging.

Where would I get an Aide? Should I get a large Aide, in case I need to change out my refrigerator?

I think an Aide with a Masters in Economics would be helpful. Have you seen the news?

Does Amazon or Ebay sell Aides? That’s where I do all my shopping.

My Company Annual Meeting is just around the corner. How cool would it be for me to walk into the conference room, fashionably late with my Aide 2 steps behind me carrying a briefcase?

I would take my seat at the conference table and my aide would be seated directly behind me, and a little to the right. That’s where all Aides sit. Just watch C-Span or the movie “The Godfather”, where Vito is having a meeting of the 5 family’s, if you don’t believe me.

From time to time, my Aide would have to reach from behind to hand me some important papers. They can be blank, I don’t care. Perception is everything.

When our CEO is talking, my Aide will feel the need to crouch up beside me to whisper something important in my ear. That will serve two purposes. It will keep me from dosing off and, it will look really cool.

What do you get someone who has everything, for Christmas?

An Aide.


Alison said...

I love that idea Mark! I could do with one of those myself - giftwrapped of course.

slommler said...

Hmm! An that is an excellent idea. But it is a toss up for me...a half naked cabana boy or an aide...gee....!!! What do I chose!?!

Barefoot from Heaven said...

Okay you just got me the perfect Christmas gift for me myself and I. Do you think I can order one who, cooks, cleans and and and....

Mmnnaaa, I think I would stumble all over the person. Just let me be by myself...

I'm happy to know you're so blessed and got everything your heart desires. And your story made me giggle again.

beth said...

wow....I haven't been able to answer that question either and now you've now given me an idea...

I'm like dagmar aide needs to know how to cook, after that grocery store run...and dust !

and if he wanted to do that, half naked after moving my lawn and pulling the weeds, I'd be fine with that...

Frau said...

I think it is a great idea, I want a second wife for my hubby just one that only cooks and cleans and does laundry and the grocery shopping! I handle everything else!

dcpeg said...

Frau nailed it. What you [and so many of us would like] is an old-fashioned WIFE!!

If that's not possible [HA!]time AWAY from the computer, cell phone, TV and all the other things that steal our time would be my wish. A l t h o u g h -- slommler's naked cabana boy is tempting!