A Christmas Gift

My wife and kids have been asking me what I want for Christmas and I can’t come up with a good idea. Like they say, I have everything.Seriously, I’m 54 years old. If I wanted something, I’d just go get it. I don’t wear ties, so that’s not a good idea.

I have more tools than an auto repair shop, so don’t go there. Golf balls used to be a good standby gift, but I haven’t golfed in 2 years.

Pearl Jam and Floggy Molly aren’t touring the local area, so concert tickets are out.

Recently I was reading Ted Kennedy’s book, “True Compass”, and I came up with a great idea. He was reminiscing in his book about a particular meeting he was at. He mentioned that it was so long ago he didn’t remember all the details, but he said offhandedly that he is quite sure he had his Aide come with him.

Vwa-la! That’s a great idea. I’ve decided, I want an Aide for Christmas. Don’t you think they would come in handy?

I could take the Aide to the grocery store, walk down the isle perusing all the choices, and then point, “There, I want one of those.” The Aide would pluck it off the shelf for me. Of course, it goes without saying, the Aide would be doing the bagging.

Where would I get an Aide? Should I get a large Aide, in case I need to change out my refrigerator?

I think an Aide with a Masters in Economics would be helpful. Have you seen the news?

Does Amazon or Ebay sell Aides? That’s where I do all my shopping.

My Company Annual Meeting is just around the corner. How cool would it be for me to walk into the conference room, fashionably late with my Aide 2 steps behind me carrying a briefcase?

I would take my seat at the conference table and my aide would be seated directly behind me, and a little to the right. That’s where all Aides sit. Just watch C-Span or the movie “The Godfather”, where Vito is having a meeting of the 5 family’s, if you don’t believe me.

From time to time, my Aide would have to reach from behind to hand me some important papers. They can be blank, I don’t care. Perception is everything.

When our CEO is talking, my Aide will feel the need to crouch up beside me to whisper something important in my ear. That will serve two purposes. It will keep me from dosing off and, it will look really cool.

What do you get someone who has everything, for Christmas?

An Aide.