Saturday, May 21, 2011

I sighed with relief this morning when I woke up.
I heard that today was supposed to be the last day, the end of the world as we know it.
At least I had a shot to be taken from this place to everlasting happiness some where.
It didn't happen.
I missed the cut.

Just in case, I did what I had to do to prepare for the possible end.
I cut the grass and straightened up the house.
I didn't want to leave a bad impression.

I was also wearing clean underwear.
My Mom used to say, put on clean underwear in case you get in an accident.
She wouldn't want the ambulance drivers to see my dirty shorts as they loaded me onto the stretcher. Better a mangled body with clean underwear than not.

Speaking of dirty laundry, did you see that the Catholic Church finally came up with a reason for all the priests who had run amuck in the 60's and 70's.
I feel so much better now. It's settled.

It seems there was a commission who investigated this child abuse by priests.
The problem is, the Church commissioned their own commission.
Say what?
That's like getting Barry Bonds and Lance Armstrong to investigate steroid use, or Don Corleone and Luca Brasi to investigate the Mafia.

Anyway, the Church figured it all out. It's all taken care of. Don't worry about this any longer.
It was determined, that the cause for the thousands of children who were sexually abused was, THE 60's.
The Church also states in their findings that if the child was over TEN YEARS OLD, they don't consider it pedophilia.
That's just amazing.

So, wew, ok, that's all taken care of.
The commission did not mention the reason for the 50 years of covering this problem up.


Jerral Miles said...

You know, Mark, the guy who says this is the last day lives across town from me in San Diego; and it's not the first time he's had a go at it. He obviously miscalculated the last time, and is having another go at it. I completely understand the underwear thing. Our mothers had the same idea; but they wren't fooling me one bit. It was about them and not us all along.
If the rapture comes today, I'm definitely not ready... but I want to take pictures when it happens even if I'm left behind. Do you think they have Costco "up there," so I can get prints made if I happen to be one of the lucky ones?... and what about wireless. Even a bus I took recently from Vancouver to Seattle had wireless. However it goes, let's keep in touch.

Marilyn said...

It is so easy to make excuses, isn't it? Good to hear you are still hear even with clean underwear and your lawn in order.

Joey said...

Mark - that sickens me. Talk about going postal?

dcpeg said...

I think all mothers - around the world - have the same idea about clean undies!

As for blaming the Catholic church's problems on THE 60s . . .. how lame! I'm a product of the 60s and I've never felt inclined to molest or abuse a child.

As for those who gave up everything because they listened to Jerral's cooky neighbor -- get a life!!