Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Ok, sooo........
I have this diabetic cat.
I'll give you a minute to gather yourself.
The response I usually get is laughter.
Recently when I shared this with a friend, she said,
"Diabetic Cat? How did that happen?
Did he eat too much chocolate?
Is he drinking too many sodas?"

I have no idea, but I usually keep the Godiva to myself
so I don't think chocolate is the problem.

Because of this issue, Izzy, our diabetic
gets a shot of insulin twice a day
once in the morning and once at night.

It goes without saying, my wife is the medical practitioner at our house
and she administers these shots.
I may fill the syringe with the cloudy substance
if I'm feeling good natured
but sticking the needle into a living thing....
Can't do it.

Until today.
There's always a "Until today"
in my life.

For reasons that are unimportant to this story
I found myself in the position of playing doctor this morning.

For all you veterinarians out there
this isn't a big deal.
My wife can shoot Izzy up with the ease
of an experienced trauma nurse.
Izzy, isn't what I would call athletic.
He's usually laying in a pile on the floor somewhere
so tracking him down for his daily dose is usually quite easy.


Before loading up my syringe I take a quick glance around
for Izzy.
Nowhere to be seen.
Just my luck.

I fill the needle, then starting looking in the usual places
for the patient.
Not in the house.
Not on the deck.
At this point I'm saying things aloud like
"are you freekin kidding me?"

This cat has spent the last 100 years laying in a lump on my floor.
A trip for him out to my deck is considered a road trip.
So I stand by the railing looking around
and I spot him out in the back yard.

So off I head, needle in hand, to capture me a cat.
As you might expect, my "Come here Izzy......"
is not working.

Everytime I get within 3 feet of the diabetic
he takes off with the quickness of Dwane Wade to escape.
This game goes on for 10 minutes
as we cover 1/2 an acre.
The insulin is kept in the refrigerator.
It's a must.
It's a muggy 85 degrees outside and I'm running around with a needle.
No pressure here.

Finally, I corner him in the fern garden.
I wade through the leaves until I find my target,
pushing the leaves away from my face, my glasses falling
off the top of my head.

Finally, success!
I now know what it must feel like
when those trophy hunters bag the big cat in the Serengeti.


Rants and Raves...Peace and Praise said...

I always love the things we say we can't or would never do...until there is no choice for us to do them anyway. Isn't it always the way.

Kids and Pets...those are the areas you find yourself doing the unthinkable the most...funny how that works out..isn't it?

nacherluver said...

Murphy's Law follows you through life too, eh?

beth said...

well if it's not the chocolate, it must be the sodas.
just guessing. actually my dad is a diabetic and i know it's genetics that play a role here. not chocolate or soda :)

and i hate to put all males in the same category, but this could have been written by, oh i don't know, a million men who rely on their wives to do those kind of deeds.

now granted, they would have never written this as well as you did, as i could totally visualize the whole thing.
most men don't write like you do. you do know that, right...that you have a gift :)

thanks for the laugh. i really did. and i read it out loud to the hubby just so he could join in on the fun. i'm nice like that :)

Karen said...

The cat is not a fool.. she knows you don't usually weild that needle.

"Get the heck away, dude.. you don't know what you're doin!"....

that's what I'm thinking the cat was thinking. Just sayin.

And Beth is right...I'm thinking we've got a new Dave Barry here..

Formerly known as Frau said...

Oh my now that is a chasing the diabetic cat around the yard! heehee sorry!
MY sister's dog is also diabetic, dogs are easier to trick.
Good luck next time Doc!

Janney said...

haha.. like trying to put the flea colloar on while they run behind the couch...

slommler said...

OMG!! Too funny! And of course you had to chase him down. I mean seriously!
I had a diabetic Great Dane. Same routine...but she could knock me over and did many a time. Ha!!

Marilyn said...

Your description gave me a chuckle. Poor kitty, tell him to change his diet and continue laying in a lump so you can find him.